Life Clichés (13) : What do you know for sure, dear Reader ?

 Dear Reader,

We have all been in situations and periods of our lives when nothing seemed to be going the way we wanted, our hopes lost, expectations never met and worse we lost ourselves in an endless self-worth game. 

A darker side of us takes over and we really cannot think or reason anything. As if we were machines programmed for auto-destruction and are going down the big self-pity party. 

The endless quest for perfection swallows our best moments in life and we forget that life is about being original and genuinely raw. We seem to forget how to enjoy our basic favourite food, time of day and there is not pretty much anything that impresses us anymore. That is dear reader how you know that you're on the edge of Depression Cliff. And those moments before rushing down that cliff are when you need to take it slow either turn back or sit admire the Depression Canyon beneath you. 

Think of what Nietzsche once said : 

“...throw roses into the abyss and say: 'here is my thanks to the monster who didn't succeed in swallowing me alive.”

In fact, if by some miracle you didn't fall off the cliff take a moment of gratitude and admire the scenery from above : the fragility of your mental health, the existential dread, and maybe you can see the nihilistic horizon.

Dear reader I was sitting by that same cliff when I decided to pick a book that might keep me company. I knew I would dwell on that scenery and find out how to forget the way back to it. In my despair I was in need of an uplifting yet realistic experience : ideally someone who has been down, went down and up the cliff many times to find out what kept them coming back.

And so I scanned my shelves and stopped at Oprah's "What I Know for Sure". I remembered how her latest one made me feel : serene, happy and very grateful. Without hesitating I crawled back to cliff edge sitting there reading it. I will hereby share the escape that every chapter offered me :

JOY

I started with joy. I learnt how it is of course a choice to feel joy and be happy. There is enough your life to "feast on": we lose sight of the amount of pleasure and joyful moments there are in your daily life let alone "LIFE". And what Oprah knows for sure about it is that : "pleasure is energy reciprocated : what you put out comes to back." So play, laugh and feel joy. Don't be afraid of happiness !

RESILIENCE

As is always the case with resilience, it's not about taking in, but fear giving way to your courage. Your life story will be different than mine, our struggles that teach us are again not the same but blaming someone for it and holding them accountable is a waste of time. 

Think of what Carrie Fisher once said :

"Resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other to die."

Don't waste your time, and be brave enough "to give yourself the love you didn't receive". Anyone who knows Oprah and her story will understand how deep and big is this step. Everything she has to go throw as an unwanted child who was met with regret and shame. What Oprah knows for sure about it is that : "When you have nothing to be ashamed of, when you know who you are and what you stand for, you stand in wisdom."

CONNECTION

At times like these, I mean hanging off the cliff, you are indeed alone and there's nothing as such : no connection. But the connection you need in those situations is with yourself. The love and approval you seek can't be found outside you. What Oprah knows for sure about it is that : "... the lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else, it is disregard for yourself." The connection that we seek finally is not centred around feeling valued but rather around lending your light, the light of love. At the end of the day, it wouldn't matter whether you have been loved or not as much as you being loving !

GRATITUDE 

Count your blessings that is and say THANK YOU. On the cliff I know it's gloomy and you don't see it clearly but you are blessed and have an awful lot of things you should be grateful about : you have you, the time, the chance to exist and make mistakes, the joy of enjoying that nice break on the cliff  ... Learn to say THANK YOU ! "... because you know there's no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things." (Maya Angelou to Oprah)

And what Oprah knows for sure about is that : " ... instead of being frustrated you choose appreciation. The more you are grateful the more you have to be grateful for."

POSSIBILITY

You are now wondering why are you stuck at a dead end, by the edge of a cliff that shows only scenes of despair and dread ? And one answer might be that you haven't been considering taking a step towards the possibility that you always thought about ... You let anxiety get the best of you and stuck in endless "what if" scenarios. The grandest possibility the Universe has for you is one step away, but not any step a BOLD step. 

And a side note to my dear woman reader : We tend to apologize about our accomplishments, we haven't learnt how take in compliments and we downplayed our brilliance to be at the same level as our family and friends and got scared at the thought of going after a possibility because critics and what if it goes south ? What Oprah knows for sure about it dear is that :"You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. To be more extraordinary. To use every moment fill yourself up."

AWE 

Life is a mystery. Not only that but it is all too full of questions more than answers. And that is enough to induce all the awe you need to go back to where you came from and set on your quest to question, everything and anything ! Questions are doors to inspiration, creativity and awe.

And what Oprah knows for sure about it is that : "We go through life discovering the truth about who we are and determining who has earned the right to share space within our heart. God is for us. The forces of nature are for us, offering us life in abundance... there is extraordinary in the ordinary."

"No matter how fast you run,

your shadow more than keeps up.

Sometimes it's in front.

Only full, overhead sun

diminishes your shadow.

But that shadow has been serving you.

What hurts you blesses you.

Darkness is your candle.

Your boundaries are your quest."

- Rumi, The Big Red Book.

CLARITY

Having the weekly opportunity to converse with a friend is a blessing I am grateful for. For in those exchanges that life finds its way back to me, a fragment that completes a sentence which then makes sense to both of us ... And after a few seconds dawns on us like a revelation. One of which was when they said one morning : "First say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do." (Epictetus) We didn't know then that we were at the heart of stoicism. 

If there is one main idea that drives the philosophy of Epictetus is setting boundaries between yourself and all the noise : emotions, feelings, others, nature ... You must just be ! Learn to say no and mean it. Always keep in mind Brené Brown's quote  : "Clear is KIND, unclear is UNKIND !"

And what Oprah knows about it is that : "When I accepted that I was a decent, kind, and giving person - whether I said yes or no - I no longer had anything to prove."

POWER

"When you know better, you do better."

- Maya Angelou.

Taking the steps back to yourself away from the cliff, you realize how powerful you are once you are sure of who you are, what you want, are grateful and choosing joy over fear and frustration. What comes next is putting more ardour in your quest and lifting it to the highest calling. "Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility." What Oprah knows for sure about it is that : "Reaching your potential as a person is more than an idea. It's the ultimate goal. The wonders we're capable of have nothing to do with the measurement of mankind ... I'm talking about the real deal: whose life did you touch ? Who did you love, and who loved you back ?"

Dear reader, we all need Oprah's care in these trying times. And I hoped I have conveyed the essence of her book though my review. I wish this book stands someday on your shelf and accompanies you back from the cliff. 

Reading gives you the ability to reach higher ground. And keep climbing.

- Oprah Winfrey.

So tell me dear, what do you know for sure ?

Yours faithfully,