Life Clichés (9) : Wild as a woman who runs with the wolves ..

Back from a long trip, I missed home and lassitude. Lazy mornings I already forgot by the end of a fast-paced summer month. A month that was nothing short of a rough journey. As much as I learnt, I had a fair share of pain: physical, emotional, and spiritual … As I was resting my head in my parents living room, it dawned on me that after all I was blessed to have survived it. And I was shy to put a name on what I just discovered in me but ended up labelling myself as resilient.

And since I believe that there are no coincidences, I remembered a book cover that I saw a few days earlier: “Women Who Run with the Wolves”. My first encounter with it, I thought: “Hummm! A new book for my feminism/feminity shelf”. I can’t tell what hit me more :

- its title: which makes me think of some tribal women, sort of Amazonian, or;

- it being about psychological archetypes that underline women’s character.

That same afternoon I started reading it and was intrigued how it resonated with my recent experience and somehow pinpoints a few ways that has unconsciously been saving me from a real breakdown. In its pages I discovered what is the true definition of a wild woman and I set myself to look for my own Baba Yaga in my turn (will tell you more about her in the next entry.)

A wild woman archetype shares similar traits with wolves according to Dr. Clarissa Pincola Estes (and she has proven it – details in her book). The general rules of life by which wolves live were metaphorically what I have experienced and felt as a second nature, for once there were no hard decisions, I was following my instinct and learning valuable lessons along the way.

1.   Eat - Read more

Not going to lie, but despite the busy and harsh times I somehow managed to have full healthy meals and still had time up my sleeve to curl up with a good book or an article. Add to that some transcendental moments which lift your spirits so high as you witness beauty in a detail, a word, a sound or a feeling. Staying constantly refreshed and nurtured, body, mind and soul endows you with more stamina to face the day and go about the business.

If short on books and can’t afford to sit still to read and rewire, I suggest you listen carefully to the people around you, they continuously share stories with you. I agree with Dr. Estes as she writes:

"A story is not just a story. In its most innate and proper sense, it is someone’s life. It is the numen of their life and their first-hand familiarity with the stories they carry that makes the story “medicine.”"

2.   Rest - Sleep matters

Another element that is as powerful as storytelling is dream language, hence the importance of having a comfortable night sleep. According to psychologists, these moments can be an opportunity for  psyche to have fun: unconsciousness works best especially when we are sleeping. Consequently, having a comfortable share of sleep, might help you untangle all the ambiguities of your day.

Moreover, I can’t highlight it enough, but aside from our need of “beauty sleep”, it is also one of the mindful moments of your day. There’s a good feeling of helplessness as we go to sleep: a moment of deep relaxation.

Reminder: 7 hours of sleep are not enough…

3.   Rove in Between - Treat yourself kindly by going out of your comfort zone 

I don’t think that there’s a better way of taking care of oneself than accepting your flaws and giving it space for growth. Going out of your comfort zone is THE way to it. As women, we must learn to stand in the face of power. This sadly doesn’t happen as you sit behind a screen scrolling down endless feeds of irrelevant information and enjoying the numbing sensation.

Strength should be snatched from the hard moments we go through in our lives, the more hardships you experience the stronger you will be as a human. Don’t fear power, respect it and face it: “because ultimately some part of that power will become [yours].”

"Through these chores, Baba Yaga teaches, and Vasalisa learns not to cringe away from the big, the mighty, the cyclical, the unforeseen, the unexpected, the vast and grand scale which is the size of Nature, the odd, the strange, and the unusual."

4.   Return Loyalty - Away from the people who can't harvest/keep your flame on!

Being part of a small circle of neatly picked friends who give back honest feedback, has helped me stay connected to myself and appreciate my kind of flame. 

However, it wouldn't have been more handy if I wasn't already used to a few reflexes: Saying NO and meaning it, declining a few invitations, choosing myself over everything else, and digging solitary moments to nurture myself... and still not be judged about it... (Thank you S)

In short, you don't need to "act nice about protecting your soulful life", friends reciprocating this is the most precious loyalty gift you can ever receive in life.

5.   Love the Children - Stay Humble and Positive

Loving the children is more about receiving than giving. A pure moment of laughter, innocence, frailty and vulnerability. This opens the door to see our worth for what it is: we all are worthy of being loved, deeply.

It is a sweet reminder to stay optimistic and certainly puts everything into perspective: keeping us humble looking back to where we came from. 

Don’t take yourself too seriously and enjoy the simple amazement of the present moment.

6.   Cavil in the moonlight - Don't be afraid of showing your true colour

"To fear to venture by oneself or to reveal oneself, fear to seek a mentor, a mother, a father, fear to set out one’s imperfect work before it is an opus, fear to set out on a journey, fear of caring for another or others, fear one will run on, run out, run down, cringing before authority, loss of energy before creative projects, wincing, humiliation, angst, numbness, anxiety : all ends when you assume who you truly are."

In any situation, stay aligned with what you believe in and mostly your individuality. 

"Being bound to one’s intuition promotes a confident reliance on it, no matter what. It changes a woman’s guiding attitude from “what will be, will be” to “let me see all there is to see.”

7.   Tune your ears - Find your inner wild self

Meditate, spend more time alone, you need clarity, don't pressure yourself, just do it and make it:

"When women reassert their relationship with the wildish nature, they are gifted with a permanent and internal watcher, a knower, a visionary, an oracle, an inspiratrice, an intuitive, a maker, a creator, an inventor, and a listener who guide, suggest, and urge vibrant life in the inner and outer worlds."

8.   Attend to the bones - Make yourself a priority (not preaching narcissism)

Nothing wrong can come from a close study of yourself. We spend a lot of time trying to learn about other people, ideas, things, ... and neglect the person we have spent most of our time with : ourselves. 

"Practice listening to your intuition, your inner voice; ask questions; be curious; see what you see; hear what you hear; and then act upon what you know to be true [...] Becoming alert by oneself, for oneself. Letting die what must die. As the too-good mother dies, the new woman is born."

9.  Make Love -  Love yourself deeply in a way no one can ever reach it!

The last but one lesson is to allow yourself to make mistakes and forgive yourself abundantly. Self-acceptance is the way to loving yourself. As noted earlier, being open to make mistakes and to growth is a proof of self-love which should be your primary concern. 
If you can't love yourself, it will even be harder to love others : 

“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.”

- Dostoevsky

"I’ll tell you right now, the doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you can hardly bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door."

10.  Howl Often -   Take breaks

Travel, change careers, find new creative paths and go down these alleyways : it's always a chance to learn. And a break isn't necessarily stagnation or stopping your activity : it's a chance to take a break from old things, ritual things and set up a new endeavour. Life is short, make sure your breaks are unforgettable.

"A woman arrives in this world-between-worlds through yearning and by seeking something she can see just out of the comer of her eye. She arrives there by deeply creative acts, through intentional solitude, and by practice of any of the arts."

So there goes the few lessons I learnt firsthand as I was navigating my own story but found their resonance in Dr. Estes book. I hope this helps you shape and nurture the bold and wild woman you have deep within you.

Best of luck on your wild  journey.

“I love my creative life more than I love cooperating with my own oppression."