Life Clichés (12) : Reclaim Your Value

It's common knowledge that for the last months spent in isolation and quarantine, we had more time on our sleeves to pause and ask ourselves questions: seeking connection with the one person we might know best, yet never had a chance in a time before the world stopped. When it did outwardly stop, motion took place esoterically inside of our internal microcosms. 

Of course, many questions arised, although simple in formulation they required deep reflection and research. My turn had come, and I went back digging in books I have read simply on a coup de tête: What was my own value? How am I supposed to define myself? This line of questions occurred to me on a Saturday morning when I was trying to figure out a new bio for my Instagram profile.

Just in time, I remembered a book I haven't read yet and was looking forward to. It was Oprah's first book ever: "What I Know for Sure", where she has tackled openly major and important facets of life, and what she was sure was an important and essential part of it. The book was a collection of articles she wrote for Oprah Magazine and answered the question in the title about what did she know for sure after all she has gone through so far? It is organised around values she lives by and believes in that included: Resilience, Connection, Gratitude, Clarity, Possibility, Power and Awe... This classification says a lot about the book in itself being a confidence more than a sermon.

As is the custom, she is no preacher, but she just openly shares her insight and lookout on life. And all of her words revolve around one central value that is the will to take your destiny in your own hands, that you have a choice no matter what situation you are in. And you are also responsible for being true to yourself, something you should always put in your view.

But then, first you have to know yourself: What are the values you live by? How do you make choices? What is the driving force behind your actions? And ultimately, what's it that you are going after in this life? In other words: what is your purpose?

It takes courage, a clear horizon of blues and a friend to have meaningful conversations with yourself about yourself.

In order to come up with my own answers for this set of questions, I found in reading and introspection two great tools that have led me all the way down or up to my purpose. As a matter of fact, Brené Brown has played a major role in helping me define my core values, what were the things I ached for and thrived for most. In 2018, I read her latest release back then “Dare to Lead” thinking I might learn a thing or two about vulnerability in leadership. Curiously enough, the book started with a chapter to help the reader define their top 3 values. And of course, it was a hard task. That in itself was a big sign for me that I needed to assess my own understanding of myself. 

So I started asking myself what were the most important things to me in life?

Along the days that turned to weeks and months, I would spend days thinking about what's my top value family or independence? Excellence or cooperation? And it gets complicated and crucial with time, because knowing the benefits of consistency those are not things you only think and believe are important to you, but you also act based on them and set them as your top priorities.

For instance, for me discovering that family was my central value I had no problem cancelling plans, making sacrifices, or simply giving up a job because it kept me away of what I cherish most, so it was not in line with my own conception of the most important things in life to me. Apart from the absence of regrets that comes with making a decision that is aligned with your values, life became less complicated and easier. You gain more clarity and declutter your vision.

Admittedly, we have now defined our core values in life and are moving forward materialising and manifesting them in the real world. Evidently, every action you make must be traced back to a principle you believe in. And the assemblage of these principles constitutes your personality and based on it you develop a way in which you make choices and determines pretty much everything you do in life.

But what's your own value then? And how would you define it?

The specificity with which your personality is composed makes you a unique piece of the humanity puzzle and endows you with capabilities only you have to complete your own purpose in life. I am not saying that everyone is a prophet in his own way, but that even the vainest personality in your point view might be accomplishing a role that is extraordinary for humanity as a whole. 

Many times, I have asked myself about it and I still do: What's my purpose in life ?

For the major part of time, I tried to listen to my gut and stay open to everything that came my way. One way to being and staying open was reading. I gathered as many human experiences as I could, I came across answers to questions I have never thought about and that has kept me wide open to many ideas, values and even possibilities. There is vulnerability in reading, as Oprah says: "it gives you the ability to reach higher grounds and keep climbing."

One important thing to keep in mind that your purpose on earth doesn't come from a dark corner within you, but rather from a luminous seed: it comes from love. Love of any kind, but mostly that of a Creator that has given you a chance to exist. Who has also given you the autonomy and full responsibility of your life. And you know what comes along with these? 

Yes Oprah has thought about it too: there comes the privilege of you being the best mother, sister, friend and lover you will ever have. It is your own responsibility now to give yourself the love and affection you may not have received as a child. Consequently, believing that your purpose is not within your reach, or think of minor things like your happiness being outside of you that you should pursue it out there is a big mistake. You have everything you need to be you within you and your reach!

Your worth and value are way beyond a materialistic assessment: bank account, studies, diploma, or even factors you never chose: nationality, social statute, identity,... It is the Creator's light in you and you are responsible for keeping it kindled to your last day on earth.

Sometimes, our fear of the unknown might stop us from achieving our higher purpose and going up the path of light. For that we have to keep in mind that making bold moves is the only way to get closer to the grandest vision the universe has for us. Let's dare to step up, step down, speak up or change ourselves, the outcome is never pleasant or unpleasant but it surely does keep us moving forward to reunite with our purpose.

And because you are in charge of your life, always chose yourself. There is nothing that exceeds the joy and happiness of being oneself, and casting a vote for ourselves or achieving the life of your dreams. It might not come easy, but do not give up on yourself. As in Epictetus quote: “First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do”, it's not enough to dream and strategize, reclaiming your value requires not only work and hard work but surrendering to what Oprah calls Power. Because “when you know better, you do better.”

There's another beautiful law I specially rejoice in remembering that if you want the best the world can offer, you have to offer the world your best. Let excellence be your intention, do your personal best in all aspects of your life. Granted you cannot be perfect, but keep your intention in line with excellence.

Finally, authentic power hence your value, comes from reaching your potential, which is and should be your ultimate goal. As Oprah puts it beautifully: power occurs when purpose aligns with personality to serve the greater good.